In a painful (physically, not mentally) and troubled night I have lots of time to think. I several times composed this blogpost. And I also several times thought why should I. Till yesterday I was happy with the course and all I read and heard from other participants and our two teachers. I wrote a blog about how I felt enriched by being connected. But yesterday, during the Ustreamsession on Elluminate, I suddenly felt very lonely and estranged. “Being there” from Jerzy Kozinski, http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerzy_Kosinski came to my mind. It was of not any importance that I was there, I felt not seen and not heard, I had nothing to say. It was to difficult to read the chat and listen to the session-leaders at the same time. I had the feeling that all other participants knew each other very good and for a long time (know it’s not so, but I felt that way!) “It’s not easy being green” is a beautiful little song of Kermit The Frog ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpiIWMWWVco ). It’s not easy being Dutch, I thought. I have been an educator (or teacher, don’t even know the right word for it) for 33 years now, always in the sphere of middle and higher education of nurses and the last years educating all sort of workers at my institute. I am the only person at my whole institute that two times won the yearly price for great innovational work. I have written many curricula, courses, papers, notes and even (partly) two books and so on, but all in Dutch. So I don’t have anything to give to other participants in this course. And that is a meaningful conclusion for me, learning in a connectivism-way is only pretty if you can share. Oh yes, I do learn, that’s no problem! But I miss the feeling of really being connected to the other learners. Often I asked myself why I make a Twitter or Jaiku announcement, who is interested? Why should I spent my time on writing on two weblogs, who is really interested. It surely is no complain at all. I just came to the conclusion that it maybe to difficult to be busy with connected learning when you don’t have the possibility to share what you think, what you made, what you are doing. Writing a blogpost in English costs lots of time, so I don’t do that very easy. Telling how in July I made a course for my colleagues about working with Web 2.0 possibilities is to difficult for me in and above that I think all participants in this course have lots of experiences with this kind of work, thus again, why should I. But being up again and (with my laptop) sitting at my big table where many friends and members of the family have been eating, drinking, talking, had fun, there is the end of the little song, being Dutch if that’s what I am, it’s beautiful, it’s what I want to be. I will go on trying to learn what connectivism is and can mean for me and my colleagues here in the Netherlands. I will discover more and more how I can be in touch with people with the same interests even if I don’t know them and I cannot be deeply involved with them in discussing matters of great importance in education. Really no complain, just thoughts about connectivism as a useful way of learning for me.